If you’ve analyzed yourself through simple Personality quizzes or anyhow, and concluded that you overthink or have egotistical manners blocking the flow in your relationships, don’t stress and don’t move. This piece is for you.
There are various reasons behind the growth of egocentric manners. One of those, for ambitious people, comes from the experience of being abandoned, teased or ignored while seeking help at crucial moments. Having to rely solely on yourself to move forward in life can lead you to develop an egocentric character so as to mask your fear of not succeeding. Being determined to succeed is great but if your fight involves overthinking and ruined relationships, you are doing it wrong.
“When you lose your ego, you win. It really is that simple.” ― Shannon L. Alder
Overthinking => spiral of fears and doubts => bubble full of strong assumptions and ignorant thoughts => unnecessary efforts exhausting you => angry moods => lack of peace of mind => delays in achieving success => more overthinking.
“The more you overthink the less you will understand.” ― Habeeb Akande
Look, you don’t have more problems than others. You are just dealing with them in an inefficient way. Rethink your attitude and approach. Be honest: are you mean when things don’t go your way? Do you annoy your entourage by countlessly talking about YOUR problems and wishes without listening to THEIRS as much?
If the answers to any of these two questions is ‘yes’, one thing to frequently remind yourself of is that people are not “venting-your-frustration machines”. It is your responsibility to train your mind to calm down and practice patience.
If you are caught up thinking and talking about nothing else than your problems on a daily basis, it’s time to create a “Do’s and Don’ts” list and to follow it religiously.
Step 1: Change the frequency of your vibes.
Some words and sayings carry a lot of negative energy and can subconsciously pull you down. Ban yourself from using them. The same goes to the kind of movies you watch or songs and lyrics you listen to. Trim your playlist according to the energy and atmosphere you need in order to heal.
Step 2: Time conversations about your problems.
Perhaps the atmosphere at work or in your relationships is annoying you. Spend no more than 20 minutes narrating your daily stories to your friend(s) and/or family. Spend no more than an additional 25 minutes to talk about the approach you’ll need to adopt in order to solve or overcome the situation ahead of the next day. When those 45 minutes are up, change the topic.
You know you don’t need more than a specific minimal amount of time to talk about the things that bother you; the rest is just unnecessary “repeat-mode” conversations which could disturb your subconscious during your sleep or time spent alone. Deactivate that auto-repeat button in your mind’s Audio Player by consciously respecting the clock.
Step 3: Become a good listener.
Return the favor. Listen to your friend(s) and/or family’s daily stories. Be concerned. Be present. Offer support or encouragement. Such conversations are precious moments for you to develop empathy and kill your egotistic character by hearing and giving. Discuss about their problems and achievements without dragging the conversation back to your issues. Accept that the conversation is about them, not you. You had your moment earlier on to talk about your matters. Returning the favor will end up doing you a much bigger favor!
Step 4: Work out a plan to quit your negative circles for the place where you’ll flourish
“Once you find the solution to your problem, ban your mouth from talking and restrict your mind from thinking about the problem in a way that makes you frown. Quietly work towards solving it while releasing stress through leisure. Otherwise, you’ll forget to live. You’ll only exist and soon be damaged by negative pressure.” – Quote #103 from Angela Asante’s Book of Quotes.
Step 5: Distract yourself with hobbies
Do you have [obsessive] hobbies which don’t obsess your close ones? Show appreciation every time they make the effort to share your passions with you. However, be nice enough to understand that your obsessions don’t obsess them, so balance efforts by sharing their passions with them. Alternatively, find time to talk or do things that you both like.
No matter how packed your schedule may be, if you cannot find time, create it. Five or even ten minutes is very little time, but it still is significant as long as you savour each second of it. Note that it is extremely vital to take care of making yourself happy and showing gratitude for even the smallest things you receive.
Try being less self-centred, less obsessed by what you are going through. You’re not the only one in a difficult situation. Stop. Breathe. Take a look around you. There are many solutions you can find by simply caring to take a look at what’s happening outside the corners of your mind. Just remember that overthinking never solves anything. It only takes the present away from you.
If you really want to do things right by dumping your egotistic and insecure manners, many pieces of your broken puzzle will fall back into place before you even realize.
by: Angela Asante
Featured Image By: Ben Rosett