Keeping The Marriage Hot After the 7 year Itch.
When I was married, almost 15 years ago my husband and I were deeply in love, and extremely hands on with each other, if you know what I mean. Seriously, that man did/ and still does something to me even after all these years. Still, let’s be honest here, keeping things hot in your marriage is no easy task, any couple can be passionate on their honeymoon, and pre-children stage, I mean what else do you have to do! What really is important is how you keep the marriage hot after years of being married, and after the children begin to arrive.
More often, than not, when I tell other women how long I’ve been married they usually follow up with “how do you guys do it?”. Well, there is really no magic formula but I’d say we effectively communicate, we are partners, we respect each other, we are spiritual, and we work to keep the marriage hot. What do I mean, by keeping the marriage hot? Here are 7 ways you can keep your marriage hot, and ensure your husband is chasing you around the house years into your marriage.
- COMMUNICATE- Now when I say communicate, I don’t mean about little Joey’s football game, or going to your mothers for dinner next weekend. I mean talk to him about things he’s interested in, send sexy text messages, and call during the day without reason just to say hi. We expect our husbands to treat us this way, it’s only fair we return the love, and more importantly your husband will feel closer to you.
- INITIATE SEX- I know, you’re tired after such a long day and after getting the kids homework done, dinner made etc., and the last thing on your mind is sex. Yet, this is no excuse to never initiate sex, pick a day to send the children off to grandmother’s house, light some candles, dress up, and take charge of your man. Just like we want to feel sexy, and wanted, our husbands feel exactly the same way. Now while I do believe men love being the aggressor, they like a little in return every now and again.
- BE SPONTANEOUS- Don’t be afraid to try new things with your spouse whether it’s in the bedroom, or just trying a new restaurant! One mistake many couples make is falling into the dreadful routine, which inadvertently becomes routine sex, routine dates, routine activities, routine, routine, sounds boring to me. Catch my drift? My husband and I went scuba diving in the middle of the ocean, while visiting Dominican Republic. It was such a cool experience for us to share together, I’m sure we will tell our grandchildren about it one day!
- DATE NIGHT- Find the time to spend quality time with your spouse, and without the kids. Carve out this time for just the two of you, and don’t discuss the kids, finances, work issues etc. Focus on just being together, and remembering why you married in the first place. Attempt to treat your spouse as if you’re on a first date, be charismatic, laugh, hold hands etc. When my husband and I are out with our son, we never get a chance to hold hands, heck were lucky if we get to have a short conversation. When we finally get to have our date nights, holding hands is a prerequisite for me.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF- I understand, you’ve had a child/Children, but that was 5 years ago. Now, I know losing the baby weight isn’t easy, but you’re not doing this just for your husband you’re doing this for yourself, and it’s hard chasing a kid around if you feel as if you’re still carrying one. Eat healthy most days, exercise, your body will thank you, and that extra attention from your husband won’t hurt either. My father once told me “ no man wants to marry a coke bottle, and end up with a gallon of milk”. I know it’s kind of harsh, but it sure helped me drop those 60 pounds I gained during my pregnancy.
- CONFIDENCE-Ladies, I’m aware we just discussed losing weight, however, you can be beautiful at any size if you’re CONFIDENT about it. The last thing your husband wants to hear is how big your thighs are, or how much you hate your saggy breast, because you breast-fed little Joey for 3 years. Seriously, when your husband looks at your breast, and the rest of your body he’s not complaining, but it’s a complete turnoff to him if you have no confidence in yourself. Here is an idea, find something you really love about your body and play it up. For example, I absolutely love my lips, so I love trying new lipsticks. So find something you love about your body, play up that feature, and simultaneously accentuate your confidence!
- DO SOMETHING JUST FOR YOU- I think you’re going to like this part, it’s hard being a mother, wife, maintain a career, and still try to find time just for you to partake in something you enjoy. For example, I love the day spa, I usually go with my best friend and we spend the ENTIRE DAY being pampered. I sleep, enjoy a massage, drink wine, eat amazing food, and just RELAX. So get a pedicure, read your favorite novel, take a yoga class, or just take a nap!! The important message here, you need time for YOU, it allows you to rejuvenate so that you can be the best version of yourself, and you feel good about the life you have. What’s more, nothing is hotter to a man than a happy woman, and when you feel good you will project this into your family life, and your marriage!
Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but there is such thing as a GOOD marriage, and to throw a little HOTNESS in the mix is even better!
By: Danyell Knox