Today’s dating and relationship world has become more complicated than ever, especially for women who are looking for monogamy, or dare I say, to get married. There are thousands of women who are currently dating or in relationships where the lines are blurred and relationship status constantly remains ambiguous. Often times, women are dating for prospective relationships, and possibly marriage. But, how do we do this correctly, how do we date without wasting our time on men who won’t show us that we are girlfriend, wife or even dating material. How do you decipher the signs that a man is just not into you?
A few weeks ago, I was speaking to a friend and the topic came up about dating and specifically, why men can’t make the same effort that women make to show a guy she likes him. I have come to the conclusion that it’s pretty simple—he’s just not into you. Here are 10 signs that will help you steer clear of unrequited love and one-sided relationships.
- He doesn’t call you– If a man doesn’t call you, it’s a clear sign he’s not thinking about you. Even if a man is busy, if you are important to him he will call you even if it’s just for a minute to say hi, and see how your day is going. If you never hear from your guy he’s just not that into you.
- You initiate all contact– If you do speak to your guy but it’s only becauseyouinitiate a phone call or text first, again, he’s just not that into you. This isaone sided courtship, and it’s not fair to you. If a guy really likes you and wants to date you, you will receive uninitiated phone calls and text.
- Non existent second date request– If you recently went out on a first date, and your guy never called you back to invite you on a second date, it’s time to move on. Don’t get so caught up in the fact he said he would call, or speculating about why he didn’t call. Maybe the sparks just didn’t fly, maybe his cat died, who knows, but at this point don’t frustrate yourself about a guy who couldn’t even give you a courtesy call back.
- His life is a mystery– Have you been dating a guy for a little while but you know absolutely nothing about his life—where he works, his goals, dreams? A guy who really likes a woman and is serious about her will allow himself to be vulnerable after dating for some time. He will open up to you about things that are important to him, because you are important to him.
- Activities always planned by you– If you have to plan every single date, and even ask him out on said date, it’s because he’s just not that into you. If a guy really likes you, he will want to impress you. He will put effort into the relationship and he will ask you out on a date. If you are doing all the work, again he’s just not that into you.
- Unknown Relationship status-Have you been dating a guy for 6 months or more, and still don’t know if you are his girlfriend? Do you attempt to have conversations about exclusivity, only to be met with aloofness, and a quick change of subject by your guy? Men are pretty straightforward they know what they want, and when they find it they claim it. According to an article on sex and relationships written by Dr. Martha McCaughey, “men are competitive by nature, they compete for women against other men.” Essentially, if a man really cares for you he will make sure every man knows you’re off limits by making the two of you exclusive.
- You haven’t met his family or friends– This one is pretty straightforward. If you have dated a guy for a while and you haven’t met his family or friends he just may not be that into you. Granted, there are some men who want to be sure, but generally, if a man really thinks you’re important, he will introduce you to the people most important to him.
- You’re the Main Chick– I have found a disturbing new trend of women who are knowingly dating men who cheat. However, these women feel comforted, and even empowered because they are the “main chick” and, in theory, the priority in his life. News flash, if a man is seeing other women, no matter how you prioritize yourself in his hierarchy, he’s just not that into you. Call me old-fashioned, but in a real relationship a man shows you he’s into you by making you the ONLY one as opposed to the main one.
- He is Married– This should be obvious but… If you are seeing a married man, believe me when I say HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. An article on relationships posted to Woman’s Day Journal states that less than twenty percent of married men leave their wives for the other woman. In fact, most married men who cheat are still very much in love with their wives, and are just “out for a good time.” Do not be so naïve to think that you have magic between your thighs and you will be the woman in that less than twenty percent category. Besides, you are worth more than a man who can’t see you on holidays, his birthday, or even in public. And why risk a high eighty percent of being hurt.
- Marriage is off the table– Have you been in a long-term relationship for years without an engagement ring? Are you constantly bringing up the subject of marriage only to be met with more excuses than a man trying to talk himself out of going to jail? Do you wonder why you cohabitate with a man without any prospects of ever getting married? If a man really loves you, and is into you, the only next step after years of being in a relationship is an engagement, which leads to marriage. I know there are men who are worried about finances, educational goals, stability, etc. before marriage. However, couples can work toward these things together while married. In fact, having a partner to support you along the way will allow you to build your empire a lot faster. I’ve seen women get stuck in this relationship rut but are afraid to leave, and end up in a dead-end relationship for decades. Beyoncé related the message clearly when she sang “if you liked it, then you should put a ring on it.” When a man knows you’re the one he won’t wait decades to make you the Mrs. Sometimes men are just entertaining a woman, until a woman who they feel is better comes along. Either way, why waste your time on someone who’s not into you enough to marry you after years of being together?
Here are a couple of books I suggest that are great reads, for women who are single, and dating or in a relationship.
- Single Is Not A Curse
- He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
- Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
- Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment
Finally, just remember the old cliché there are more fishes in the sea. This cannot be truer. Besides, you are too beautiful, and too fabulous to waste your time on men who don’t treat you accordingly! There is a man who has been designed just for you, but you will never find him if you keep wasting your time on men who are not serious about you. If he’s just not into you, it just wasn’t meant to be. Don’t blame yourself. Just move on and continue to be the wonderful woman you are, and someone will see you for just that!
By: Danyell Knox
Featured Image By: Charlie Foster
Evolutionary Psychology ~ www.epjournal.net – 2008. 6(3): 482-486 WWW.WOMENSDAYJOURNAL.COM