This summer Cambridge, Massachusetts, Harvard University Coop welcomed notable and best-selling children’s book author Bolaji Ajayi.
On this bright summer day, children were lined up at the Harvard Coop bookstore to meet and shake hands with the author, who gave a strong and exciting performance. The children were seen grabbing on to their stuffed animals and parents at the turn of every page. You can actually feel and touch the level of energy and excitement in the room as her theatric performance took the young readers on a magical journey into an African Safari, where animals and humans spoke to one another. A magical place where a single hero could transform into any creature in the forest, all to uphold his heroic title as the “bravest, the strongest, and mightiest warrior in the entire world” .
Who is the warrior? Akiti The Hunter, the 1st African Action Superhero ever captured in children’s books worldwide. For the very first time, the young readers ranging from 2 to 5 years old, were introduced to an uncommon hero. A hero that has gone unnoticed on so many pages and bookshelves around the world.
The children happily embraced Akiti the Hunter, begging their parents for their very own signed copies to take home and relive each moment performed by the author.
The author, received a sold out performance in a matter of minutes, there was absolutely no more books left on the shelves. The people of Cambridge, MA and the townsmen and women of Harvard Square trailed every movement of the Author, has she exited Harvard Coop bookstore dressed in her 1920s gown themed after her organization working mom in 1920s, a millennial movement dedicated to redefine the word feminists.
My proudest moment center of Harvard Square . Spirit of #MarilynMonroe was with me in this moment!
From her passion for her son, the rebirth of a classic West African folktale Akiti The Hunter emerged when she could not explain to her 3-year-old then, why all the superheroes did not look like his father, who is of color. The introduction of Akiti The Hunter has played a great role in encouraging children from different backgrounds to read and become acquainted with history and their heritage. “To my knowledge, there has never been an action hero from an African descent in any major motion animated picture, children’s book, or comic book. All of our children deserve to be represented in a positive light and I’m excited to fill that void.” stated Denise Mobolaji Ajayi Williams (Author’s pen name: Bolaji Ajayi). “
We agree and support the journey of Akiti the Hunter. Children need to know no matter whatever they look like, they too, can be heroes; they too can be legends, celebrated and immortalized just like AKITI THE HUNTER. It is clear from the work she has done with Working Moms in 20s and AKITI THE HUNTER, Denise is set out to change the world, and help parents help their children fall in love with reading.
The Met Gala, formally called the Costume Institute Gala and known as the Met Ball, started in 1946 and is an annual fundraising gala for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of the Art’s Costume Institute in New York City; the grand opening of the Costume Institute’s annual fashion exhibit. Each year’s event celebrates the theme of that year’s Costume Institute exhibition, and the exhibition sets the tone for the formal attire of the night determining the guests fashion theme of the exhibit.
The spring 2015 Costume Institute exhibit on May 4th at the Metropolitan Museum of Art theme for this year was dedicated to Chinese fashion “ China: Through the Looking Glass”.
The idea is to showcase Chinese art and rare artifacts as well as apparel interpreting Chinese designs from Western designers like Alexander McQueen, John Galliano, Jean Paul Gaultier, Tom Ford, Francisco Costa, Domenico Dolce, Stefano Gabbana, Valentino Garavani, Marc Jacobs, Donna Karan, Michael Kors, Ralph Lauren, Stella McCartney, Ashly Olsen, Mary Olsen, Zac Posen, Miuccia Prada, Raf Simons, Riccardo Tisci, Giambattista Valli, Donatella Versace, Alexander Wang, Vera Wang, Alexander Wang, and many more.
There was initial hesitation for this year’s theme especially being the biggest the MET has coordinated. Many predicted that the red carpet for this year’s “fashion Super Bowl” would be a low point for culture, celebrities, and designers. In efforts to evade the predictions, the guest took heed of these warnings of disastrous happenings. This year’s Met gala ended up being beautiful, and impressive.
Met Ball organizers enforced a social media ban inside the gala. This included selfies from guests in attendance. Instead of a live stream, the Met streamed “selected moments” on Periscope.
The following are a few looks from this year’s Ball:
Beyoncé in Givenchy Haute Couture by Riccardo Tisci custom-made gown and Lorraine Schwartz jewelry; Kim Kardashian in Roberto Cavalli by Peter Dunda. Jennifer Lopez in Versace dress; Sutra earrings; Harry Kotlar ring; Ivy ring; Jack Vartanian ring; Swarovski clutch. These women gave the illusion of the looking-glass; somewhat fitting the theme of the gala.
Emma Roberts in Ralph Lauren green silk gown; Monique Pean three-tier kite-shaped diamond earrings; Edie Parker clutch. Emma looks gorgeous in her simple yet elegant effort to keep her look simple.
Jessica Chastain in Givenchy Haute Couture by Riccardo Tisci custom outfit; Piaget jewelry, and Lizzy Caplan in Donna Karan Atelier one shoulder draped blush washed satin back crepe gown with silk covered beaded fringe and abstract threadwork embroidery; Jack Vartanian gold fringe earrings; Carla Amorim ruby ring; Edie Parker clutch. Their choices did not adhere to the theme of the event but look astounding.
Solange Knowles is magnificent in this Giles dress and Cartier jewelry. She was adventurous in her choice look and nailed this year’s theme.
Cara Delevingne in Stella McCartney black silk duchess embroidered all in one, tattoos by Bang Bang; perforated gunmetal clutch, and black chain link sandals; A very successful approach to the theme.
Anne Hathaway wore a Ralph Lauren dress; Benedetta Bruzziches clutch; Repossi jewelry. Not sure which direction this look was going but she certainly looks striking.
Georgia May Jagger
This beauty took a risky approach to her look and succeeded. Georgia May Jagger in Gucci custom lilac silk georgette belted floor length gown embellished with an Asian inspired multi colored motif of flowers and birds hand embroidered with silk threads.
The lovely Kerry Washington wore Prada clove pink silk faille open-back gown with bow accented shoulders; Harry Winston earrings and ring; Prada clutch and sandals. This look does not adhere to the theme but she certainly looks dazzling.
Zendaya wore a Fausto Puglisi gown with a plunging black velvet bodice and crimson silk duchesse asymmetric skirt hand-embroidered with crystal and velvet sun motifs. Great choice Zendaya; you are exquisite.
Lady Gaga looked striking in this Alexander Wang for Balenciaga custom gown. The duchesse keyhole neckline gown was adorned with touches of crystal and glass bead rampage embroidery, ongoing onto the jewel encrusted navy organza cape and clutch; the look was accessorized with Fred Leighton jewelry.
By: Olutola Afolayan,
Workingomin20s.com, High Fashion Editor
@IMVCoutoure: Isimey Vintage
The 2015-2016 School year is quickly approaching! Are you ready for your scholars to return to school? I hope you planned ahead so you can budget, and catch some early bird specials.
I know every child wants everything brand new, but that is not necessary if you ask me. For instance if your child’s former backpack is still in good shape from last year and functional don’t purchase a new one. We recommend letting your child reuse the same backpack from the previous year.
Now when it comes to buying certain items that you know you can use for years, I say pay good money for good quality, because sometimes buying certain items cheap end up costing you more money because you have to keep replacing it because it falls apart quick because the quality is not good.
School supplies can really tally up fast, especially if you have multiple children. Once you get your child/children school supply list, turn it into a scavenger hunt! Go through your home and personal things, and a high percentage of the time, you may very well already have just about everything your child/children needs on that list! The goal is to always find savings on minute necessities.
Rule #1: Before you hit the store for school clothes, take inventory 1st. Pull out clothes & shoes from last year to see what your child/children can still fit then replace things that they can no longer fit.
Rule #2: Use Twitter and Facebook to Save
Many companies send their loyal followers coupon links, and advance notice of sales. If you plan to bargain-hunt this year, then check your favorite stores’ Twitter and Facebook Updates to find deals. Follow these stores on Twitter:
Get together with other parents in your neighborhood and swap gently used clothes, books and games. If you are savvy shoppers and have clearance items from last year, you can trade what you have for what you need.
“I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet,”Carrie Bradshaw. Being a native of Asian region, we see climate changes are all year round. The Sun heats up with record-breaking temperatures a woman must find the best way to stay and keep her cool.
INAYAH Street Look
Hajib Classic Look
In order to maintain dazzling and trendy style in the summer we have captured all the looks just for you!
Summer is the hottest of the four seasons. The days are longer and the nights are shorter, women in the South of Asia are often in search for fashion looks that are comfortable yet stylish. The light cotton clothes protects the body from the harsh sun-rays while allowing you to achieve an amazing look.
Classy Street Style – Chunri Collection
Top designer brands have brought a pleasant change to women’s fashion industry. It’s all about embracing something different and seeing how you feel in it. The ankle-length trousers have changed into mid-length trousers. Women in Pakistan have spoken and “we are obsessed with mid-length trousers”. For some reasons, it also drives women ages 30s or above crazy as they look younger and elegant by wearing mid-length trousers (also known as european cigarette pant). The shirts (blouses) are usually loose fitting and not skin-tight, as loose-fitting clothes for women in Pakistan always grooms the body. Giving women the look and feel of comfort and elegance.
The race between the designers providing the customer the perfect material in stitched and un-stitched dresses have continued to expand the fashion market in Pakistan. New and vibrant color schemes paired with western or european styles are slowly being adopted in current trends seen in the South of Asia.
The best thing is you can get all the designer’s trendy clothes sun-raysby just clicking on their official online site. All of the catalogues are available there and its an easy way to shop from the comfort of your own home. Although there is a long list of the most demanding designer’ brands out there, however I would like to recommend our top 10 picks.
Dealing with money can be stressful enough, but trying to deal with money after exiting an abusive relationship definitely take the icing off the cake.
Statistics shows that:
1 in 4 women report violence in their family in their lifetimes.
2 million injuries and 1,300 deaths caused each year as a result of domestic violence.
All cultural, religious, socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds are affected by domestic violence.
Nearly 2.2 million people called local and national domestic violence hotlines starting from the age of 18 and older.
Nearly 8 million days of paid work each year is lost due to domestic violence.
There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships, but one that makes it especially difficult for victims to leave is money. If a victim is financially dependent on their abuser for income, walking away is made all the more difficult. They often struggle to become financially self-sufficient, greater risk at falling into poverty or even homelessness.
I was a victim of domestic violence, and now I am a survivor able to share my own personal experience. I was in an abusive marriage. I must say since I have paid closer attention to the significant red flags early on, today I am proudly remarried.
11 Tips on Gaining a Money Mindset After an Abusive Relationship:
Do not allow your financial struggles while rebuilding your empire, make you return back to your abuser. Once you have gained the courage and power to leave, keep moving forward and don’t look back.
Keep your emotions & money separate. Mind over Money. You may not get another chance to leave again with the gift of life.
If your ex has knowledge of or access to your passwords, SSN, credit card statements or other identifying info, it would be a good idea to take the following measures to secure your personal information:
Closing any joint bank accounts & credit cards.
Put a security freeze on your credit report so that your ex can’t continue to use your social security number.
You may consider opening your own checking account (Credit Union Account Recommended) to start building your own credit history and savings.
Downgrade whatever aspects of your lifestyle that you can compromise on, such as downgrade to a smaller dwelling now that you have left your abuser. After explaining your situation to a landlord, he/she may allow you to pay a small deposit and partial rent until you start receiving regular paychecks again.
If you have a luxury vehicle trade it in for something more economical.
Rewrite your will & change your beneficiaries on your insurance policies.
Finally, update both short and long-term financial goals. Sell any things that will simply remind you of your previous abusive relationship. And celebrate moving on.
Here is a quick video to help you identify how to leave an abusive relationship
Now that summer is just around the corner, it’s time to make sure we are protecting ourselves from the sun. Everyone, I repeat, everyone should wear sunscreen. It not only helps prevent sunburn and skin cancer, but also reduces premature aging due to sun exposure. So, basically this is a must-have year round, but especially in the warmer months when we tend to spend even more time outdoors. Luckily, companies have really become more advanced in developing sunscreen, so no matter your skin concerns or lifestyle, you will find something that works for you.
1. Stand Alone Facial Sunscreen
For years, I used a separate facial sunscreen after applying my moisturizer in the morning. I had never been able to find a moisturizer with SPF that worked for me so I always used two separate products. This method is great if you have already found the perfect moisturizer and you don’t want to change. This is also a good choice if you tend to change moisturizer often due to travel or changing skin care needs.
Lately, there have been more and more moisturizer with sun protection. In fact, there’s a good chance that your favorite sunscreen comes in a version with SPF. That being said, most moisturizer with SPF have a lower level of sun protection than stand alone sunscreen, so keep that in mind when making your choice.
This category is probably the newest to develop, and there are some really interesting products around.
MAC Prep + Prime Skin Base 30ml/1.0oz This is great if you wear makeup every day because you’re combining sun protection with priming your skin for makeup. The high SPF and antioxidants combine to provide great protection for the skin too.
Supergoop! Antioxidant-Infused Sunscreen Mist with Vitamin C SPF 50, 6 fl. oz. This is my favorite of the bunch because you can easily add this to your skincare routine. I apply this before I go running outside and have had no problem with it stinging my eyes when I sweat. This is also great to refresh your makeup before you head outdoors. I love that this product makes it easy to reapply SPF throughout the day, which is the best way to protect your skin.
Lots of foundations and tinted moisturizer come with SPF as well, but I recommend a separate SPF just because we typically don’t apply enough foundation to get the full benefit of SPF. Regardless of what you choose, make sure that sunscreen is part of your beauty protection. A bit of effort now will save you heartache later!
In April, Lane Bryant launched a new campaign featuring top plus-sized models, such as Ashley Graham who is famous for being the first plus-size model to be featured in Sport’s Illustrated’s Swimsuit Edition. The Lane Bryant campaign slogan is “I’m no angel” and these “non-angels” are modeling lacy lingerie from Lane Bryant’s Cacique line. Although some people believed that the slogan might have been a jab at Victoria’s Secret angels, Linda Heasley, Lane Bryant CEO and President, told Today.com that the slogan is “only a reminder that sexy comes in all shapes and sizes.” [i] Heasley also stated, “It’s about helping all women to feel great about themselves. And if it gets people to stop and have a good laugh, that’s great.”
With its “I’m no angel” campaign, Lane Bryant wanted to spark a conversation about redefining sexy. Lane Bryant actually encouraged fans to give their input on social media using the hashtag #ImNoAngel. Although many of the comments about the lingerie ads are uplifting and supportive (no pun intended), there are also some comments from some people who feel that the advertisement does not represent all women and that even the plus-size models in the ad are not a good representation of plus-size women. Someone posted a comment stating that the models weren’t “curvy” enough. Someone else criticized the campaign by pointing out the fact that Lane Bryant is brand that caters to plus-size women and therefore isn’t doing anything different with this campaign. While some fans praised Lane Bryant and suggested that the company run the advertisement on television, others talked about how this campaign is just the brand’s marketing technique to increase sales to its regular customers. The “I’m no angel” campaign definitely sparked a conversation; and that conversation starts with the question, “What is sexy?”
Fortunately, the definition of sexy is not concrete. The idea of what is sexy is forever changing. However, women today still feel pressured to live up to an extremely thin body shape. This is evident by the surge in diet pills and program and in the increase in the number of plastic surgeries that have been performed in the last decade. The desire to be unbelievably thin can even be seen in recent fashion trends, such as waist trimmers, corsets and skinny jeans. Yet, if you look back through history you’ll find that it wasn’t always like this.
There was a time, believe it or not, when women were celebrated for their own natural bodies, and not some body that came from a pill, product, or procedure. Many paintings from the Renaissance period depicted voluptuous women who were considered sexy and beautiful. By today’s standards most of the women in those paintings would labeled as full-figured or plus-size, but that does not make them any less sexy.
During the post-war period in the 1950’s, a fuller figure was the ideal body image for women. Having a voluptuous body during this time was highly desired. During a time when “pin-up girls” were popular, brilliant artist, Duane Bryers, created illustrations of sexy pinup girl named Hilda who was full-figured and beautiful.
Even though larger, fuller-figured women were celebrated, the celebration soon dwindled. In the 1960s woman became obsessed with being skinny[ii]. They wanted to be skinny like some of the popular models of that era like the famous Twiggy who was known for her thin frame (hence the name).
It is getting harder and harder to look like today’s popular models. Twenty years ago the average model only weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today models weigh 23 % less. As the idea of sexy changes, women try to change their bodies to match that idea instead of accepting their own bodies and realizing they don’t need to look like someone else in order to be sexy. According to Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania, researchers found out that “exposure to media depictions of thin female models lead women and girls to overestimate their own bodies, and report lower self-esteem.” Also, a Glamour magazine survey revealed that 97% of its readers said that they have at least one “I hate my body” thought a day and women have an average of 13 negative body thoughts a day.[iii]
So, do we need to redefine what sexy means today? That is a noble idea, but unnecessary. Sexy does not need to be redefined. Sexy needs to be recognized. A woman does not have to be a size 2 to be sexy, nor does she have to be a size 22. All a woman has to do is love and accept herself and realize that she does not have to be what someone else considers “perfect.” In the words of Lane Bryant CEO and president, “sexy comes in all shapes and sizes.” The sooner women can stop looking at others to show them what is sexy, the sooner they will see their own sexy selves.
Video Courtesy of Lane Bryant
By: Angela Lewis
The institution of slavery was a business that operated on the oppression of an entire society, which successfully destroyed the traditional African family core values mercilessly. The hierarchy structure of the traditional West African family and values of an entire people were destroyed and replaced with an economic driven control system. Using examples from author John W. Blassinggame The Slave Community: Plantation Life in the Antebellum South which made the argument that the monogamous slave family worked as a survival mechanism for black slaves. E. Franklin Frazier ‘s Negro Family in the United States (Phoenix Books) argued that rape and the contrast between the house negro and field slave led to the demise of the black family. Lets explore how the institution of slavery preyed on the physical and psychological structure of the African family using both of these arguments.
According to Blassinggame, the sex ratio in the South was near equal when compared to slave societies in Latin America. This fact would play a major part in the formation of monogamous families throughout the plantations. In Latin America, like throughout most slave populations throughout the New World, planters preferred men to women as slaves in large part because of the production of resources needed by strong workers for efficiency purposes. There wasn’t an emphasis placed on the natural reproduction of slaves early on because of the profitable nature of the African slave trade and its mass importation of African men, who were preferred physically for slave labor in comparison to women. However, by the mid 19th century the ratio had almost became even throughout the South, with the new emphasis placed on reproduction powered by slave women. Frazier argues that the sex ratio imbalance caused what was once strong feelings toward relationships to become animalistic, based off of casualness of contact between men and women slaves.
Planters would encourage monogamous relationships among slaves not for any moral purpose, but to maintain order on the plantation. Christianity was introduced to slaves in a bid to destroy any familiarity they may have with traditional heritage in order to integrate them further into the religious practices of their owners. Slavery is an institution of complete control enforced through physical and mental oppression. Frazier pointed out that it was easier to control a slave if he was married to a mate on the plantation because he is less likely to run away, instead benefiting from his ability to maintain order amongst other slaves on his behalf. For the most part, planters did not care about the sexual customs of slaves, only that order was maintained. As the Atlantic Slave Trade became illegal in the New World, planters forced slaves to mate in order to enrich the population. This ended the traditional African courtship system. The result was the male slave sex life placed directly in the control of planters, as much of their existence already were.
Courtship was a blend of old African and European customs learned through observation combined with the nomadic lust and rape by white plantation owners upon the slave women. As the African became transformed into the Afro-American male, he lost a lot of the authority and respect that is custom in most West African societies. Where in Africa, procreation is a natural occurrence of life with no ties to sin, the introduction of Christianity placed an emphasis on monogamy to be with one mate for life. While men may initiate courtship with women, the institution of slavery broke down any superiority that the male may have had in old traditions. In fact according to Blassinggame, the slave woman actually was more superior in this process than the male. Being the woman controlled the time, pace, and effectiveness of the conversation, it was she who ultimately determined his success. This further proved true in the dynamics of the slave household, where women was the symbol of strength and tolerance in comparison to the man.
According to Frazier, slaves picked up white traditions depending on the level of contact between slaves and whites. In this case, the growing difference between the field slave and the house Negro. “House Negroes” naturally took upon white traditions more eagerly because the close quarters and engagements between the slave and master in the house.The field slave looked to the house Negro as an example of politeness and gentility. This difference also caused slaves to become aware of different statuses within the plantation. Engagement patterns often led house negroes to improved lives and benefits, depending on their level of responsibility on the plantation.
Sexual conquest became a path to status in the slave community. Planter’s routinely raped and bought black women for these purposes. Slaves in turn, already suffering from animalistic sexual desires, became very reckless with their pursuit of women. Engaging in premarital sex as well as extramarital sex was rampant in slave quarters. In fact, most slaves preferred to marry slaves on other plantations because they can’t bear to see a loved one beaten and raped by their slave master. This further devalued the importance of a monogamous family and encouraged sexual encounters based on sexual urges alone.
Women were recognized as the head of the household and replaced the male, who being physically and mentally broken through the hardship and humiliating nature of slavery, could do little to stop this. Slaves always faced the possibility of being sold or killed on a daily basis, therefore the women were usually the comforters and instilled the discipline into the children, which was needed to live in a slave society. Unlike Africa, the black male had to come to grips with being controlled by another man, with absolutely no say in his own or family future.
In conclusion, Frazier and Blessinggame both make the argument that slavery destroyed the black family through many methods. The eradication of African customs destroyed the male’s dominance over family life. The rape of black women devalued their character while introducing a less sympathetic courtship system within the black community. Slave masters encouraged monogamy as a means of maintaining order on the plantation and never cared for the long term effects the slavery system caused to an entire race. The family structure of blacks was no longer based on the male leading the family and making decisions, it was replaced by white superiority and dominance. This effect would have long lasting consequences on black life in America throughout history.
References: E. Franklin Frazier |John W. Blassinggame The Slave Community|wikipedia images
By: Hayden Williams III
Co-Founder of Workingmomin20s.com
Today’s dating and relationship world has become more complicated than ever, especially for women who are looking for monogamy, or dare I say, to get married. There are thousands of women who are currently dating or in relationships where the lines are blurred and relationship status constantly remains ambiguous. Often times, women are dating for prospective relationships, and possibly marriage. But, how do we do this correctly, how do we date without wasting our time on men who won’t show us that we are girlfriend, wife or even dating material. How do you decipher the signs that a man is just not into you?
A few weeks ago, I was speaking to a friend and the topic came up about dating and specifically, why men can’t make the same effort that women make to show a guy she likes him. I have come to the conclusion that it’s pretty simple—he’s just not into you. Here are 10 signs that will help you steer clear of unrequited love and one-sided relationships.
He doesn’t call you– If a man doesn’t call you, it’s a clear sign he’s not thinking about you. Even if a man is busy, if you are important to him he will call you even if it’s just for a minute to say hi, and see how your day is going. If you never hear from your guy he’s just not that into you.
You initiate all contact– If you do speak to your guy but it’s only becauseyouinitiate a phone call or text first, again, he’s just not that into you. This isaone sided courtship, and it’s not fair to you. If a guy really likes you and wants to date you, you will receive uninitiated phone calls and text.
Non existent second date request– If you recently went out on a first date, and your guy never called you back to invite you on a second date, it’s time to move on. Don’t get so caught up in the fact he said he would call, or speculating about why he didn’t call. Maybe the sparks just didn’t fly, maybe his cat died, who knows, but at this point don’t frustrate yourself about a guy who couldn’t even give you a courtesy call back.
His life is a mystery– Have you been dating a guy for a little while but you know absolutely nothing about his life—where he works, his goals, dreams? A guy who really likes a woman and is serious about her will allow himself to be vulnerable after dating for some time. He will open up to you about things that are important to him, because you are important to him.
Activities always planned by you– If you have to plan every single date, and even ask him out on said date, it’s because he’s just not that into you. If a guy really likes you, he will want to impress you. He will put effort into the relationship and he will ask you out on a date. If you are doing all the work, again he’s just not that into you.
Unknown Relationship status-Have you been dating a guy for 6 months or more, and still don’t know if you are his girlfriend? Do you attempt to have conversations about exclusivity, only to be met with aloofness, and a quick change of subject by your guy? Men are pretty straightforward they know what they want, and when they find it they claim it. According to an article on sex and relationships written by Dr. Martha McCaughey, “men are competitive by nature, they compete for women against other men.” Essentially, if a man really cares for you he will make sure every man knows you’re off limits by making the two of you exclusive.
You haven’t met his family or friends– This one is pretty straightforward. If you have dated a guy for a while and you haven’t met his family or friends he just may not be that into you. Granted, there are some men who want to be sure, but generally, if a man really thinks you’re important, he will introduce you to the people most important to him.
You’re the Main Chick– I have found a disturbing new trend of women who are knowingly dating men who cheat. However, these women feel comforted, and even empowered because they are the “main chick” and, in theory, the priority in his life. News flash, if a man is seeing other women, no matter how you prioritize yourself in his hierarchy, he’s just not that into you. Call me old-fashioned, but in a real relationship a man shows you he’s into you by making you the ONLY one as opposed to the main one.
He is Married– This should be obvious but… If you are seeing a married man, believe me when I say HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. An article on relationships posted to Woman’s Day Journal states that less than twenty percent of married men leave their wives for the other woman. In fact, most married men who cheat are still very much in love with their wives, and are just “out for a good time.” Do not be so naïve to think that you have magic between your thighs and you will be the woman in that less than twenty percent category. Besides, you are worth more than a man who can’t see you on holidays, his birthday, or even in public. And why risk a high eighty percent of being hurt.
Marriage is off the table– Have you been in a long-term relationship for years without an engagement ring? Are you constantly bringing up the subject of marriage only to be met with more excuses than a man trying to talk himself out of going to jail? Do you wonder why you cohabitate with a man without any prospects of ever getting married? If a man really loves you, and is into you, the only next step after years of being in a relationship is an engagement, which leads to marriage. I know there are men who are worried about finances, educational goals, stability, etc. before marriage. However, couples can work toward these things together while married. In fact, having a partner to support you along the way will allow you to build your empire a lot faster. I’ve seen women get stuck in this relationship rut but are afraid to leave, and end up in a dead-end relationship for decades. Beyoncé related the message clearly when she sang “if you liked it, then you should put a ring on it.” When a man knows you’re the one he won’t wait decades to make you the Mrs. Sometimes men are just entertaining a woman, until a woman who they feel is better comes along. Either way, why waste your time on someone who’s not into you enough to marry you after years of being together?
Here are a couple of books I suggest that are great reads, for women who are single, and dating or in a relationship.
Finally, just remember the old cliché there are more fishes in the sea. This cannot be truer. Besides, you are too beautiful, and too fabulous to waste your time on men who don’t treat you accordingly! There is a man who has been designed just for you, but you will never find him if you keep wasting your time on men who are not serious about you. If he’s just not into you, it just wasn’t meant to be. Don’t blame yourself. Just move on and continue to be the wonderful woman you are, and someone will see you for just that!
The Lyrics from the 1988 song titled “F*** The Police” by NWA states, “But don’t let it be a black and a white one, cause’ they’ll slam you down to the street top, black police showing out for the white cop.” Some would say NWA’s vulgar expression of dislike and disrespect for the police publicized the negative stigma of law enforcement and authority figures in the black community. “My definition of police brutality is when law enforcement takes the law into their own hands, to abuse, belittle or fatally wound a citizen to prove a point of power and control,” said Danika Coffee a 28-year-old African-American mother from the East Bay.
It’s 2015 can you insure that your children are safe from those who were hired to protect and serve?
As a mother of a 5-year-old son and former co-worker of the late Oscar Grant, Coffee shares her opinions on how she views most police. “They get away with so much because the title they hold can legally back them up without being punished for the brutality they have caused,” Coffee stated. Police brutality has become more prevalent in the media after the deaths of Oscar Grant, shot and killed by an officer at age 22 in 2009. Tryavon Martin, shot and killed by vigilante neighbor at age 17 in 2013. Michael Brown, shot and killed by and officer at age 18 in 2014. Eric Gardner choked by an officer and killed at age 29 in 2014. The hands of law enforcement killed all four of those black men and each officer was acquitted of all charges.
“I will most definitely make sure my son knows that the police are people just like us, and just like we have bad days so do they, but they have the legal power to control any situation, unless you know your rights. I will make sure as my son grows older he will be judicially informed,” Coffee concluded.
These four cases helped to ignite the already negative stigma behind law enforcement by causing riots, looting and protesting.So what’s a mother to do when past circumstances make it hard to trust the police? What’s law enforcement to do when they’ve lost trust and respect from the community they serve?
i can’t breath
hands up don’t shoot
police vs. people
Officer Barry Parker, Gives insight on the realities of working in law enforcement in the Bay Area in this exclusive interview. Officer Parker shares that police are average people who have the same emotions and challenges as anyone else, therefore it is imperative to make wise decisions once confronted with law enforcement.
A criminal prosecutor from California requesting to stay anonymous answered a few questions to help parents instruct their children on the best ways to behave with interacting with law enforcement.
Specific advice for parents:
“I would recommend mothers to teach their children to be respectful and calm when dealing with a police officer. When speaking with a suspect an officer does not know whether the person they are talking to is mentally ill, on drugs, or in possession of a weapon. As a result, officers are sometimes equally as scared as the suspects they are dealing with. The majority of police brutality cases arise from situations where the officer did not feel safe. Therefore, mothers should teach their children not to curse at or fight with an officer, but instead be polite and speak to the officer with respect, even if they feel they are being wrongfully accused.”
“I’d also suggest mothers teach their children to record all interactions with police on their phone. Doing so will prevent an officer from lying or twisting the facts in their favor.”
” I’d suggest mothers teach their children to not incriminate themselves when speaking with police. So many suspects incriminate themselves with their words by admitting to parts of a crime while an officer is speaking with them. For example, if you are driving under the influence do not voluntarily tell the officer you just had a few drinks at a bar. Why are you making the officer’s job easier for them? By admitting to drinking, all you are doing is giving the officer more “Probable Cause”to arrest. Therefore, mothers should teach their children to keep their mouth shut and tell the officer that you will not talk until you have a lawyer present.”
Know Basic Laws:
“Young men should know the basic laws about search and seizure law. In order for an officer to lawfully stop a person, the officer must have a “reasonable suspicion” that a crime or traffic violation has been committed. If the officer does not have a “reasonable suspicion” that a crime is afoot, then the person they stopped is free to leave. For example, if an officer sees a young man run a stop sign, jay walk or if that young man matches the description of a suspect, the officer can legally stop or briefly “detain” that man to conduct an investigation. But, however, if a man is walking down the street and he has given the officer no reason to believe he has committed a crime, nor does he match the description of a suspect, the officer does not have a “reasonable suspicion” to detain that man. Such a detention is illegal unless the man gave his consent to be stopped.”
Don’t feel obligated to give consent:
“Consent to stop or detain a person can be easily given. If an officer sees a man walking down the street and simply asks him “can I speak with you for a second,” and the man agrees to speak with the officer, that person has just consented to being stopped. That same person can always revoke their consent and stop talking to the officer. But, be careful because if while consensually speaking with the officer the man states information to give the officer a “reasonable suspicion” that he has committed a crime, the officer may detain the man without his consent.” “Therefore, if a person does not “consent” to be detained and an officer does not have a “reasonable suspicion” as the basis of a stop or detention, then the person being stopped is free to leave and may be the subject of an illegal detention if an officer refuses to let him leave.”
Don’t give an officer probable cause:
“The standard for an officer to arrest a person is higher than the standard to detain a person. In order for an officer to legally arrest someone they must have “probable cause”to believe that person committed a crime. In other words, an officer must have apparent facts supported by circumstances sufficiently strong to justify a reasonably intelligent and prudent person to believe that the accused person has committed the crime.”
“For example, if an officer sees a car swerving in and out of a lane, that officer has a “reasonable suspicion” to believe that person is not driving safely and is in violation of the California Vehicle Code. Once the officer has a reasonable suspicion, he may legally detain or pull that driver over to conduct an investigation. If during the investigation the officer smells the odor of alcohol on the drivers breath, sees the drivers eyes are red and watery, hears the driver has slurred speech and the driver admits to drinking alcohol, that officer now has “probable cause” to arrest the driver for driving under the influence.”
Expand your professional network:
Finally, “The best resource to remain aware of the current lawsis to have a friend or family member that is an attorney. Because there are so many different areas of law and each area of law has hundreds of laws it is very difficult to stay on top of changes in the law. If you have a friend or family member who is a lawyer you can always turn to them for help.”
“Injustice between law enforcement and the communities they serve has been negatively impacting America well before NWA’s 1988 controversial song titled “F*** The Police.”
A way to change this perspective is for the community to not only educate their children on how to behave when interacting with members of authority, but to also begin to make changes in the political arena by voting and challenging our children to become authority of the governing society.
By: Angelisa Ross
Videography: Antone Harrison